Top Ten Reasons I Got My Butt Kicked in the Beach to Beacon Road Race

I ran the Beach to Beacon road race on August 4 using an injured friends chip and number. My stategy was to find a fellow runner of equal capability and follow them as the pace setter. It did not work out and the top ten reasons I got my butt kicked in the race are:

10. The night before: two margaritas and a loaded beef burrito

9. Just before the race: delayed start because authorities detained me when I mistook the Elite Runner’s Tent for the smoking tent

8. First Half Mile: Math error and confusion with the metric system led me to train for a 0.62 mile race rather than a 6.2 mile race

7. Mile One: Several minutes lost recovering from sporty pace set by my first pace setter who turned out to be a Women’s High School Track star

6. Mile Two: Several minutes lost recovering when I mistook a spectator for an attendant offering cold water and splashed hot coffee in my face

5. Mile Three: It took a moment for an EMT to convince me that my second pace setter—a senior citizen—was not going to continue the race after they had dropped out

4. Mile Four: Several minutes needed to help clean my third pace setter after I barfed the loaded beef burrito from the night before

3. Mile Five: Cramps, muscle spasms, trouble breathing, side aches……

2. Mile Six: Forgot to “make my move” because I was busy formulating why I was not going to win this stupid race

1. Finish: Someone invited a bunch of wicked fast “outta-state” runners